Let’s Get This Straight

Let’s Get This Straight

Ireland...A Few Months Late

I had originally wanted to blog about the entire trip, but as it's been so long I don't any longer feel like typing and rehashing my thoughts. However, since I did find a Word document of a couple of the main thoughts I had, I thought I'd copy and paste those thoughts here for posterity's sake (and because I feel that since I have started this blog, I must now write at least one entry here per country that I visit). So thoughts on Ireland:

-Dublin is both gorgeous and clean. Also, all the side streets look nice (how do I explain this to someone who hasn't been to Cuba?) Each time I glance down an alley, I expect to see laundry hanging freely, loose dogs in the street, a domino game between old men in tattered undershirts, or some sign that the seemingly gorgeous facades are actually crumbling in stately yet shabby glory as time passes. I haven't found this yet. And somehow I feel that, in my heart of hearts, that the obvious evidence of decay that was always visible in Cuba, to be a beauty that is grittier, more arresting, than the sterile streets of Dublin. The only similarity is in the color: Dublin has the multicolored doors which are an echo of the bright laundry hanging from every available space in Havana streets.

-Gas is even more expensive here than in the States. A liter is about 114.9 cents Euro, times 3.8 to get the price in Euro cents/gallon, times 1.5 to get the price in dollars, equaling roughly $6.55/gallon. Ouch.

-Doesn't seem that the Irish are our biggest fans. Because we are American in general, or because we always roll in to a place at least 15 people deep?

-Difference in drinking styles: in America, drinking is semi-stigmatized by society at large, and we go balls to the wall. It's also pretty important as a social lubricant. In Ireland, it seems that drinking on a frequent basis is more commonplace, but at the same time it's more low-key; it's as though it adds fun to an occasion but is never the REASON for an occasion, nor does it influence the success of a get-together.

Cuba

I know I've been home for more than two months, but the obsession still hasn't faded. I think about the place every day, in so many contexts. It's a place that is just so different from anywhere else in the world, and though I understand it a little bit after having been there three months, there are still so many phenomena that are hard to understand.

In addition, having had numerous experiences in foreign countries, and with foreigners here, it makes me wonder if Americans are too cynical and emotionally stunted, though we would not want to think it of ourselves. I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other day (Season 3, Episode 23) and came across this quote: "The true dream is being able to dream at all". First, thinking about it, I thought about how it more so personified Americans, as opposed to Cubans (because, in all honesty, we have better chances to dream here, because theoretically we can reach out and take more advantages if we are inclined to do so). But then I thought about how Cubans still dream- dreams that are far out and seem crazy, because there is such a small chance of the dream becoming reality- and yet they dream it and hope for it, despite all odds. Their dreams aren't hemmed in or made smaller by conforming with reality, which is often how I feel many Americans live their lives. I think too often we are scared to see the true heights which can be reached.

Further Reflections

First off, my life has sucked ever since returning to the US. I'm not even being dramatic. The following calamitous things have occurred to persistently plague me:
-Return stress/TFA interview/Brief period of insanity (thanks Honorio and Danny for breaking the cycle, lol)
-Hard drive crashes
-In hard drive crash, I lose a half-written Spanish essay AND the movie that the essay was about
-Spend 4 days straight at my computer writing final music exam, Cine, and Capstone to have them all handed in on time
-Said stress produces a phenomenon called "Trenchmouth"- this happened to WWI soldiers; as they were in the trenches, stressed about being constantly bombed, typically benign bacteria in their mouthes would suddenly attack and cause serious inflammation of the gums
-This happened to me on a Friday/Saturday, which meant that I couldn't see my dentist until Monday
-He still doesn't actually diagnose the infection, and only gives me a pain killer and mouth wash
-Oral surgeon the next day finally gives me antibiotics, but I also need my wisdom teeth out, which, because the surgeons are so busy, cannot do it until May 21
-Fradulent charges appear on my credit card, which I have to cancel
-I get rejected for the TFA job

That brings me to today. Life just sucks right now, although I suspect it will get better sooner or later. I also still realize that life here is better than it is in other places, thanks to an email I got from Yohandy today. He wrote to me about wishing that he could be with me at graduation, and saying that the most he can do is send me positive energy from Havana and hope that it gets to me. It made me think about the machismo that is so pervasive in Cuba, and now I wonder if it comes out of a sense of helplessness, or is at least exacerbated by it, because circumstances prevent men from completely fulfilling the roles that they think they should play. That, in turn, may lead them into thinking even more that they have to exude this extreme male-ness. Just a thought.

Cuba: The Return

I'll have to quote Courtney's facebook status to describe how I feel: I am culture-shocked out of my freakin' mind. You can't imagine how it feels to go, in one hour, from communist Cuba with hardly any advertising, to Miami, with fast food joints and screamingly bright posters on every wall. The consumerism in the United States just smacks you in the face and you can't avoid it.

All in all, it's been a very hard transition. I made a life for myself there, friends, boyfriend, and more or less a second family, and now I don't know when I'll see them again. But out of this all comes the most important lesson for me. It's based on this Cuban phrase which, translated to English, roughly means "We only have one life, and you have to LIVE it". I realized after about a week of reflection now that while I embody that spirit abroad, and I take advantage of the opportunities I have while studying abroad, I don't always do that at home. We have one life on this entire Earth, and the time has come to make sure that I'm happy while living it. If there is something I know I want, and I can reach out and make it happen to bring greater joy to my life, it's time to do it. Grammy always used to tell me growing up that I can do anything I want to, and for a long time I was content to let the academic realm be the place in which I brought that statement to life, but it's time to expand it. No more passing up on happiness. When you have the opportunity, seize it, because you don't know when it will come again. I don't think I could understand how true that was until going to a communist country, where the meaning of that phrase isn't weighed in money, yet means more than gold.