Random Thoughts

Recently we were talking about The Yacoubian Building and the idea of martyrdom in Islam. Someone said that a follower’s devotion to accomplishing this is almost so powerful as to be sweet. On one hand, I agree to a certain extent; feelings that strong brook no argument, and their strength and purity are innocent in a way. But on the other hand, I almost feel as though martyrdom is a cop-out. I feel very strongly dedicated to certain ideals as well; in fact, almost to a high degree of religiosity. But instead of killing myself, I’d rather work to make my ideals actually come to fruition. I don’t mind sacrificing other things, like larger paychecks, my free/private/personal time, even my sanity (oh, afterschool at the Kennedy…). But why give my life? More inspiring than ending it would be to create new possibilities out of it.

Perhaps my inability to understand martyrdom is partially linked to my skepticism of any religion. There are certain things about religion that I enjoy, because of their ability to inspire my own spirituality. For instance, we were buying cell phones at dusk the other night, and the call to prayer began to ring out through the air. The beauty of the moment coupled with the ululations of the cryer’s voice invoked in me a strong current of peace. However, religion as a whole does not appeal to me because I hold logic and self-determination sacrosanct, and I feel a strong disinclination towards giving myself up to this higher thing when I can’t fully trust or believe in it. Going along with the whole IAF major and greater degrees of perception, although martyrdom contradicts my own convictions, during my time here I would like to improve my understanding of this concept and a person’s reasons for carrying it out. Something that has impressed deeply upon my soul during my time here already, short though it has been, is the connection to the past that Egypt has. Both the call to prayer and our time at the pyramids, but on an especially deep level the temples that we’ve seen recently, invoked this strange longing within me for eras long gone. This is because the sheer magnitude of time (the longevity of time, if you will) is something that demands with respect without requiring that you surrender yourself to it. For me, these approach the most religious experiences I’ve ever had, because I can appreciate this thing which is larger than myself without losing myself to it or in it.